After eight amazing years of planning weddings, I feel like I’ve truly seen it all.
In just under a decade, I’ve helped over 100 couples get married, and in those experiences, I’ve learned one thing–everyone wants their wedding to be as unique as their love. Why should that desire stop at a couple’s wedding party?
Modern weddings are constantly evolving in the way they honor, acknowledge, and nod to tradition. Having a wedding party–a group of people you cherish supporting you by your side on your wedding day–is a long-established and adored tradition.
Long gone are the days when only men peppered the groom’s side of the wedding party, or only one woman acted as a maid of honor. Now, there’s a modern twist on the way we think about wedding parties.
Brides and grooms are including the most important people by their side as they take the next steps in their journey together–no matter who they are and no matter how many of them there are.
That means that more couples are choosing non-traditional approaches to their wedding parties, including their best men selection.
Now, you’ll see best women in place of best men or even sometimes more than one best man to cover the best man list of duties.
Wedding Party FAQs: Common Questions About Organizing Your Wedding Party
The beautiful thing about a wedding party is that it–just like other elements of your wedding–can be a true reflection of what matters to you as a couple and as individuals. Still, there are some common questions every couple faces when learning about and arranging their loved ones in their own wedding party.
What Do You Call Your Wedding Party, Anyway?
If it was up to me, I’d always call a wedding party a wedding village. To me, the word “village” implies more inclusivity, leaving room for anyone you want in the party, whether they fit a traditional role or not. As the Wedding Village was established in ancient Roman times, a lot has changed since then.
How Many People Should Be In Your Wedding Village?
In ancient Rome, the wedding village required 10 witnesses in total–five from each side. That tradition has long since passed, though, and in my time as a planner, I’ve seen every size wedding village you can imagine.
Some couples simply choose not to have anyone in their wedding village, especially in areas where witnesses aren’t required (like in Colorado, where it’s legal to self-solemnize).
Other couples have had as many as 20 people in their wedding villages. The only requirement for selecting your wedding party? Make sure you’re building your village with loving, supportive people who are going to cheer you on, hype you up, and be a foundation for you before, during, and after your wedding day.
The Wedding Village Details: Let’s Talk Best Men
Can You Have More than One Best Man on Your Wedding Day?
In a word: Yes! The longer answer is that anything goes on your wedding day so long as you and your partner are happy with it. To give some context to those who might be wobbling on where they stand on the “two or more best men” thing, let’s explore where this tradition came from in the first place.
Originally a best man’s job was to act as the armed backup to help the groom out just in case something went down during the wedding, like the snap decision to elope, an attack on the wedding, or a bride who decides to call it off (yikes). You get the drift.
If we’re going by historical context, having two best men might actually be the smarter choice–the more backup you’ve got, the better odds you have, right? If we’re going by modern context, it’s just nice to have your two closest people sharing a title that means something special.
Either way, you win.
How Many Best Men Can You Have?
You can choose as many best men as feels right to you and your partner–there’s no wrong answer on your wedding day. As a planner, I am always sure to schedule and organize individual photos, details, and time with each member of your wedding village no matter what, so there’s no need to limit yourself from the logistics perspective of things.
Assign your wedding village based on what’s important to you. It’s your wedding, so invest in what feels uniquely you!
So, If You Choose Two Best Men–What Do You Call Them?
For people who choose to go with multiple best men, titles sometimes become a little sticky. Best men can work fine if you like the title and your two best men are actually men. Sometimes, though, other options are a must-consider.
Once, I had a couple assign each member of the wedding village a uniquely grand title, because, to them, not one person was considered the “Best Man.” For that couple, each member of their village was so much more than just a singular title, and they felt they all deserved their own.
In my time as a planner, I’ve heard a ton of different ways to refer to multiple best men, and some of my favorite inclusive options are:
- Best People
- Best Woman & Best Man
- Friend(s) of Honor
- Brother/Sister of Honor
Remember, you’re not limited to what other people have done before you. It’s your wedding and your decision–feel free to get creative with the titles.
Let’s Talk Logistics–How Do You Plan for Two Best Men During the Wedding?
From a planner’s perspective, I think the most important logistical element is to ensure the experience you have on your wedding day is the one you want to have. So, positioning your wedding village–multiple best men and all–is going to come directly from your own priorities. Here are a few options you could consider for positioning, but remember, there are no right or wrong answers here:
- The Traditional Approach: Position the best man who is related to you (or closer to you) stands nearest to you, then stagger your wedding village after them
- The Inclusive Approach: Reserve the front row for every member of your wedding village; have them sit there after walking you down the aisle
- The Half-Circle Approach: Alternate both sides of the village in a half-circle (or even full-circle) around you
- The Best Party Approach: Only include your “best people” (man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, whoever you’ve chosen) stand next to you–the rest of the village can sit in the front row
The possibilities for these logistics are endless and depend totally on your preferences, the physical space you’re working with, and what matters the most to you on your day.
How Do You Divide Up the Best Man Duties Between Multiple Best Men?
The answer is simple–play to each person’s strengths. You picked these cherished people to be your “best” for a reason, which means you value something special about each of them. The traditional duties you should be assigned to the best men are elements like:
- Giving a speech
- Planning the bachelor party
- Assisting with picking out the wedding day attire
- Helping the groom get ready on the day of
- Keep track of the wedding rings
Just like other areas of life, some tasks are better when more than one person is in charge. Being able to divide up the important jobs based on their strengths can be a huge benefit to planning the day.
Can You Have Two Best Men and Only One Maid of Honor?
You absolutely can! For those who are concerned about this tilting things off balance, we’ll get this out of the way quickly–from a design perspective, yes, this would alter the balance a bit.
But ask yourself, what’s more important–a small imbalance in your wedding day photos or the satisfaction of knowing you did exactly what you wanted on your wedding day? The number one focus of your day should be feeling comfortable, happy, and totally at peace with all your decisions.
The Pros and Cons of Having Multiple Best Men
The Pros of Having More Than One Best Man
There’s a lot to consider when choosing whether or not to select more than one best man. Here are some of the key advantages to going for the multi-best man option.
- Logistically (and from a planner’s perspective), it’s helpful to have more than one person in charge of keeping track of the groom before the first look to ensure it all goes smoothly.
- Having more people to share their “best men toasts” is always a crowd pleaser and very sentimental for the couple
- Surrounding the groom with a group of their most important people without any uncomfortableness of having to “rank” one over the others can make sure the wedding day is stress-free and seamless
- Multiple best men can help gauge the environment and hype the groom up for his wedding day
- Multiple best men can split the wedding tasks according to their strengths–one can handle planning the bachelor party, the other can handle organizing speeches
The Cons of Having More Than One Best Man
Every pro has a potential con in every aspect of your wedding. Here are a few other points of view to consider when it comes to choosing more than one best man.
- More people in your wedding village could mean longer photo sessions–this might influence the way the timeline of your day unfolds
- Multiple toasts are so fun, but they do mean more organization is necessary–you’ll have to schedule toasts instead of having sporadic ones
- A modern take on the wedding village might be a tough guest for more traditional guests to understand (though, at the end of the day, only opinion matters here)
- Some members of the wedding village might feel slighted (though, again, your decision is the only one that matters on your wedding day)
Choose the Best Man or Best Men Who Make Your Day Special
As a wedding planner who’s been in the industry for nearly 10 years, I can tell you first-hand that the happiest wedding days are the ones where couples lean into their vision of what a perfect day looks like–the rest of the details are just that, details.
With clear expectations, honest communication, and the willingness to get creative from a logistics perspective, having multiple best men can work out beautifully.
The most important focus of your wedding isn’t the number in your wedding village, the decor you’ve selected, or the photos you’ll take–it’s the decision to marry the love of your life exactly how you wanted.
As your wedding planner and advocate, it’s my mission to help guide you to that day every step of the way.
Article Written by Irene + Co Events. For more information on planning your wedding, please visit www.irenecoevents.com.
